Jesus the discouraged

[Journey with Jesus – Day 15 / Day 16]

“I am the bread of life.” Jesus said, “Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.”

It was an extraordinary statement he was making. We grew up knowing and loving the stories we were told about how Moses called upon the Lord and bread came from heaven and fed the multitudes miraculously. Well, now we had our own miracle story to tell – and the miracle happened in our hands. The crowds loved it – so much that they wanted to make Jesus king, and anoint him as their new leader. Jesus wasn’t having any of this – they’d missed the point. They wanted to have more miracles, more signs like that one, but he wasn’t going to do things their way. They wanted to have more manna from heaven, like Moses provided, but Jesus seemed to be saying that he was the manna from heaven. The manna would have to be collected every day, but he would satisfy people forever. It was a massive claim. Well, us disciples had seen Jesus walk on water and calm the storm with a word. We had witnessed him raising a girl from the dead. We had started following him because we thought he was a rabbi sent from God. But every day we were wondering, who is this man? Could he be greater than Moses? Could he be who he said he was? But there were others among us who weren’t so sure – you could sense their scepticism. Some were grumbling, “Is this not Jesus, the son of Joseph, whose father and mother we know? How can he now say, ‘I came down from heaven’?”

Jesus seemed frustrated, “I wish you’d stop grumbling among yourselves. Look, the Father is in charge – he is drawing people to me, and that’s the only way they’ll ever come – and when they come, they will, as the Prophet’s promised, be taught by God. I’m telling you the solemn truth – if you believe, you have eternal life. I am the bread of life. Your ancestors ate the manna bread in the desert and died. But now here is Bread that truly comes down out of heaven. Anyone eating this Bread will not die, ever. I am the Bread—living Bread!—who came down out of heaven. Anyone who eats this Bread will live—and forever! This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world.”

Well, this set some of the Jews among us grumbling even more. “This is impossible – how on earth can this man serve up his flesh for a meal?”

But Jesus wouldn’t back down, “I’m not kidding around here. You will only have life in you if you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day. For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. By eating my flesh and drinking my blood you enter into me and I into you. In the same way that the fully alive Father sent me here and I live because of him, so the one who makes a meal of me lives because of me. This is the Bread from heaven. Your ancestors ate bread and later died. Whoever eats this Bread will live always.”

Many among the wider group of disciples were shaking their heads. “This teaching is tough – it’s too tough to swallow!”

Jesus knew they were struggling, so he asked them, “Are you offended by this? Look, what if you saw the Son of Man going up into the heavens, where he was before? The Spirit can make life. Sheer muscle and willpower don’t make anything happen. Every word I’ve spoken to you is a Spirit-word, and so it is life-making. But some of you are resisting, refusing to have any part in this. And you can’t help yourself – this is why I told you earlier that you can’t come to me on your own – it’s only a gift from the Father that makes you capable of getting to me.”

This was the last straw for many of his disciples. They got up, shaking their heads, and left. Jesus seemed to be stunned. He looked perplexed and hurt. He looked almost pleadingly at those of us who remained. “You don’t want to leave as well, do you?”

I had never seen Jesus so vulnerable and, well, needy, before. Was this the same man whose teaching had been so commanding, so radical, so life changing for so many people? The same man whose word had cast out demons and stilled storms? Whose hands had brought life and healing, had multiplied fish and loaves, and whose feet had ascended the waves? Yet, here he was, seemingly begging us to stay with him and not leave him alone.

I can’t speak for the rest of my brothers and sisters who followed Jesus, but there was no question in my mind – I wasn’t going anywhere – Jesus had changed my life completely, given me such purpose. And in that moment I knew that my purpose was to, hard as it was to comprehend, bring some encouragement to Jesus. So, I replied to him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We’ve already committed ourselves, confident that you are the Holy One of God.”

At that, relief seemed to flood Jesus’s face. I wondered if I saw tears in his eyes. He smiled, “Haven’t I handpicked you, the Twelve?” but his expression changed and he said something that perplexed us, “Still, one of you is a devil!”

We looked at each other, confused – what on earth did Jesus mean? We were convinced that none of us would abandon Jesus. We were all in and would follow him to the end. Jesus needed us – and I was determined not to let him down.