[Journey with Jesus – Day 11]
The prison cell was so dark and small. I’d been used to the vast and bright wilderness, to being free to roam. Now, I was a prisoner. I’d been used to crowds following me, hanging on my every word. Now, I was utterly alone. I’d been used to being filled with passion and purpose – to call people, whether rich and poor, kings or paupers, to repentance, and to prepare the way for the coming King. It had been revealed to me that one of the men I had baptised, Jesus of Nazareth, was the one – the lamb of God who would take away the sins of the world, who would baptise with fire, whose sandals I was unfit to untie. I had played my part. It was time for me to step back into the shadows – I knew that. But when the soldiers came from Herod, whom I’d criticised for marrying his brother’s wife, Herodias, among all the other evil things he’d done – I don’t think I could fully believe it was over. My disciples looked panicked, but I tried to encourage them not to worry. I was in God’s hands – I would be ok.
I don’t know how long it’s been, too long, and I’ve come to know every inch of this prison cell. I long for news from outside and it doesn’t come often enough. But my dear disciples do try to visit and keep me updated on all that’s happening. And the thing that’s been foremost on my mind is Jesus. I’d been so certain he was God’s promised one, who would act with power and execute God’s wrath and judgment. But all the reports I heard was that he was going about in Galilee, healing the sick, delivering people from demons and preaching good news to the poor. It wasn’t what I’d expected. Also, I had heard concerning things about the way he seemed to disregard the religious observances, things that I had always been so careful that myself and my disciples adhered to. Jesus seemed to be too free and easy, with his disciples eating and drinking while my disciples and the Pharisees fasted and prayed. I was uneasy at the dubious company Jesus kept, eating and drinking with sinners. Above all, if he really were the coming King with all that power, why was I still stuck here in this prison? Surely he would see to it that I were released. Surely? Unless he weren’t the promised one after all … and it had all been for nothing … And once I had that thought, I couldn’t unthink it, and it became almost all I thought about. Was he really the one? If not, should we expect someone else? I couldn’t let it go and became imprisoned in my doubt and questioning.
When the latest report came, about the raising of a widow’s son from the dead as well as other miracles I needed to know for sure. So, I sent for two of my disciples to find out from the horse’s mouth. I sent them to my cousin to ask, ‘‘Are you the Messiah we’ve been expecting, or should we keep looking for someone else?’”
I think knowing either way would bring some peace, even if it didn’t change anything materially in my circumstances. I was coming to terms with the fact I may never find freedom. I knew I’d have to wait a while, as here in Herod’s fortress Machaerus, I was 100 miles from Capernaum where Jesus was based in his ministry.
The days that followed dragged by. What would Jesus say? Would he be angry that I, who had been so full of confidence, was now plagued with doubt and questioning his ministry? Was he the one? If not, had my whole ministry, my whole life been for nothing? I couldn’t bear that thought.
At last, my disciples returned. “Did you see him?” I asked
“Yes, we found him and passed on your message.”
“What did he say?” I hoped they couldn’t detect the desperation in my voice.
“He told us to go back to you and report what we saw and heard – the blind see, the lame walk, those with leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised to life, and the Good News is being preached to the poor.”
“And is that what you saw?”
“Yes, many people were being cured of their diseases , illnesses and evil spirits. The blind can see. We even headed that a young man had been raised to life. It’s true. … And he had a personal message for you.”
“What was it?”
“He added, ‘God blesses those who do not fall away from him because of me.’ What do you think he meant?”
“I think he knows that he’s not doing the things people expect a Messiah might do. We all thought Messiah would wield mighty strength and defeat our enemies. Jesus hasn’t come to do that. He has a different agenda. Healing the sick, helping the blind see and the lame walk – and even raising the dead to life – ” and then it came to me. “That’s just what we see in the prophets – they prophesied this would happen when the Anointed One came. – ‘In that day the deaf will hear words read from a book,
and the blind will see through the gloom and darkness.’ Perhaps this is really happening? God’s promises are coming to pass.”
“God is certainly doing something new in these days. Oh, and as we were leaving, Jesus said one more thing about you – “
I was intrigued, “What was that?”
“He was speaking to the crowds, and he told them you a prophet – and more than a prophet – you were the man whom the Scriptures speak about when they say, ‘Look, I am sending my messenger ahead of you, and he will prepare your way before you.’
I have to admit that tears formed in my eyes when I heard this. My ministry had been worth it after all. I hadn’t been deluded. I’d strongly felt this is what I had been called to do.
“And then, he said that of all who have ever lived, none is greater than you, John. Yet even the least person in the Kingdom of God is greater than you are!”
When my disciples left, I had so much to think about. I was warmed by the words Jesus said about me, but more than that, I felt what I hadn’t in a long, long time. Hope. Hope that God was at work through his servant, Jesus, and hope that Jesus was the promised anointed one. The blind were seeing, the lame could walk – and the dead were being raised to life. Just as the Scriptures said they would when Messiah came. The prison cell was as dark as ever, but for the first time in a long while, I felt a light burning inside that couldn’t be quenched and though still imprisoned, I also felt free.
Halwill Publishing 